Long needed Spanking

Last month was another crossroads for us. I have always known i needed more structure and direction. While i am very good at figuring out how and ways to do things, i am all over the place. I still have bad habits and one of them is saying things i shouldn't and getting bratty. One Saturday we were working on a project and she asked me a question. I responded in a very short and disrespectful way that put her off. As the conversation continued i knew i had messed up. Pride being what it is, i didn't stop and apologize i kept trying to talk my way out of it. She promptly told me that i could do things myself! That really hurt me as i know i have abandonment issues so i took it as she was abandoning me. I got pissed and spent the rest of the day working on the project by myself and not looking or talking to her. It was uncomfortable to say the least. The day went on and was winding down, tensions seemed to calm and i figured it would be like most other times when it took a few days for things to get defused. We had company at the time and we weren't alone so it was just quiet. Upon realizing we needed something picked up she sent our company to get it for her. It had been hot that day and i had showered and was relaxing in the cool air. No more had our company left than she nicely asked me if i would take the trash out. I was thinking, OK so we are good and ill jump to it. As soon as she handed me the bag she looked in my eyes and said, "on your way back there is a big paint stick downstairs, bring it back up for me as i will need that"! My heart stumbled. I took the trash and went downstairs and disposed of it and get the paint stick. One of the big 5 gallon stirring sticks. As i marched back up the stairs i still had my pride in tact and was not exactly doing this from the bottom of my heart. Maybe she was just gonna scare me. But my macho pride still would not back down. I handed it to her in a resentful manner, but i knew i had no choice. It is a very funny thing, i can be angry and pissed or whatever but i know i have to mind her in the end. So the next words were" go to the bedroom"! SO much for just scaring me. Off i went with her following me. She put a pillow on the bed under my chastity device and looked me in the eyes again and gave a motion with them and her head to drop my shorts. In my mind i was still thinking, bullshit I'm right! but my heart and body dropped my shorts and bent over where she pointed. That was a very anxious moment. One i knew one day would come and to be honest was long over due. there had been times when i asked myself why she had not spanked me for things i had done.
Anyway, i stay there bent over waiting for what i was totally unsure of. Was she so pissed she was gonna just blister my ass? I had no way of knowing as this was our maiden voyage with punishment like this. As she prepared she asked me if i knew why we were there. Still with attitude i answer yes and down came the first smack. It was not as bad as i had figured it would be. As she continued to position the licks to follow she continued to ask me if i was wrong and why it wasn't good for us and if i thought i was gonna be able to have a good evening. All these i managed to answer affirmative to. I had lost count of the swats and was more thinking that if my answers weren't good i could be there awhile. She already had my ass nice and red and i realized as she was finishing that she had broke my spirit on that matter. It wasn't hard enough or long enough to make me cry, but as it ended i was getting there and part of me wished i had. It felt so cleansing for her to love me enough to strip down my shell of crap and bend me over and paddle my bottom, make her point, and then tell me she loved me. Even patting and giving my red ass a soft kiss. I knew then as i raised up hugged her and looked in her eyes that i was suppose to be there and all was right with us! That felt great! No days of crap and bad feelings, instant return to things being right, just a red bottom. While i know it was our first time, i know it wont be the last and now she has felt how it is and gauged where she can go and will. It left me thinking how i respond needs to be thought out better. It would be nice to think i would be perfect and never need that. The reality is that I'm not and i will and i feel so safe in being hers because she will not allow distance between us in the form of anger or pride or just plain boy crap!