Thursday, November 20, 2014

Ever Changing Dynamics

       It has been a long time since my last post. We have been traveling a lot and the dynamics have been much different. A lot of people write me regarding the ups and downs and the roller coaster ride. Well, everyone goes through it! Us too. Life! We have learned a lot over the last year. When life presented circumstances with which chastity was difficult we back away. Long story short, wrong answer! The biggest thing I learned this year is that the commitment is important.
      I learned a lot about myself. And made some changes. The first of which is a dedicated paddle which I included a pic of on the site. It is specifically for me. Engraved with Boy Bride and Love Honor and OBEY. I have a love hate relationship with it but we have learned that without it I argue like a bratty boy with a big ego. Whe we argue its hurtful and lasts for days if not weeks. I feel resentful and we cant let it go. When she paddles me we don't argue and it is over after she is done and never spoken of again. It brings out the best of me. Very difficult to be told to go to the bedroom when I feel I have a valid point! Even harder to be told to pull down my panties and bend over. Then the reality is that its what we both need. It reminds me she is the authority and that she loves me enough to not let life separate us. She always makes me verbally acknowledge why I'm there and what I did wrong and what I will do different and apologize. She is sometimes too easy on me. Sometimes I feel like I need to be paddled till I cry. Its very hard for men to feel that emotion, and so often needed. We continue to learn.
      Another new revelation is that while I am a boy, I love my feminine side too. I have learned I like being shaved from the neck down. It feels so soft and sensual. She has learned she likes it too. That makes me very happy. Last month I got my first trip with her to the salon for a pedi. It was scary and exciting! I had never been and going with her was so great. She was not embarrassed by me but I was definitely uncomfortable to begin with. Other women there etc. She ordered me a margarita and that helped. When they said what color I felt panic! She picked 2 colors and I just relaxed as much as possible. When it was all done I left on her arm with my first French pedi! I love it! I love her for letting me express my feminine side. Takes a strong woman for that!
      We have settled down some now and she is on a short trip. I am home and locked up in my chastity device. We wont be going back to the life without chastity. I love being in an female led relationship. Some women don't understand that the need to lead outside the bedroom is as important as in the bedroom. We spend much more time out of the bedroom. Sometimes boys just need to be spanked!

Friday, August 16, 2013

Long needed Spanking

Last month was another crossroads for us. I have always known i needed more structure and direction. While i am very good at figuring out how and ways to do things, i am all over the place. I still have bad habits and one of them is saying things i shouldn't and getting bratty. One Saturday we were working on a project and she asked me a question. I responded in a very short and disrespectful way that put her off. As the conversation continued i knew i had messed up. Pride being what it is, i didn't stop and apologize i kept trying to talk my way out of it. She promptly told me that i could do things myself! That really hurt me as i know i have abandonment issues so i took it as she was abandoning me. I got pissed and spent the rest of the day working on the project by myself and not looking or talking to her. It was uncomfortable to say the least. The day went on and was winding down, tensions seemed to calm and i figured it would be like most other times when it took a few days for things to get defused. We had company at the time and we weren't alone so it was just quiet. Upon realizing we needed something picked up she sent our company to get it for her. It had been hot that day and i had showered and was relaxing in the cool air. No more had our company left than she nicely asked me if i would take the trash out. I was thinking, OK so we are good and ill jump to it. As soon as she handed me the bag she looked in my eyes and said, "on your way back there is a big paint stick downstairs, bring it back up for me as i will need that"! My heart stumbled. I took the trash and went downstairs and disposed of it and get the paint stick. One of the big 5 gallon stirring sticks. As i marched back up the stairs i still had my pride in tact and was not exactly doing this from the bottom of my heart. Maybe she was just gonna scare me. But my macho pride still would not back down. I handed it to her in a resentful manner, but i knew i had no choice. It is a very funny thing, i can be angry and pissed or whatever but i know i have to mind her in the end. So the next words were" go to the bedroom"! SO much for just scaring me. Off i went with her following me. She put a pillow on the bed under my chastity device and looked me in the eyes again and gave a motion with them and her head to drop my shorts. In my mind i was still thinking, bullshit I'm right! but my heart and body dropped my shorts and bent over where she pointed. That was a very anxious moment. One i knew one day would come and to be honest was long over due. there had been times when i asked myself why she had not spanked me for things i had done.
Anyway, i stay there bent over waiting for what i was totally unsure of. Was she so pissed she was gonna just blister my ass? I had no way of knowing as this was our maiden voyage with punishment like this. As she prepared she asked me if i knew why we were there. Still with attitude i answer yes and down came the first smack. It was not as bad as i had figured it would be. As she continued to position the licks to follow she continued to ask me if i was wrong and why it wasn't good for us and if i thought i was gonna be able to have a good evening. All these i managed to answer affirmative to. I had lost count of the swats and was more thinking that if my answers weren't good i could be there awhile. She already had my ass nice and red and i realized as she was finishing that she had broke my spirit on that matter. It wasn't hard enough or long enough to make me cry, but as it ended i was getting there and part of me wished i had. It felt so cleansing for her to love me enough to strip down my shell of crap and bend me over and paddle my bottom, make her point, and then tell me she loved me. Even patting and giving my red ass a soft kiss. I knew then as i raised up hugged her and looked in her eyes that i was suppose to be there and all was right with us! That felt great! No days of crap and bad feelings, instant return to things being right, just a red bottom. While i know it was our first time, i know it wont be the last and now she has felt how it is and gauged where she can go and will. It left me thinking how i respond needs to be thought out better. It would be nice to think i would be perfect and never need that. The reality is that I'm not and i will and i feel so safe in being hers because she will not allow distance between us in the form of anger or pride or just plain boy crap!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Engagement and the new Bride

Something i have waited my whole life for finally happened! It was a few months ago after us re establishing my submissive role. My Dominant partner asked me to marry her! It was so exciting as i have waited my whole life for this to happen. I never thought it would happen by her asking me. Though i had dreamed of it. For me it validated my position with her. Not as a dominant male but as her submissive boy. The position i love! I was really shocked almost to the point i couldn't answer and when i did I'm sure i got it wrong but yes is the answer. We had moved forward with our lives and working toward establishing us in terms of me belonging to her and daily stuff until last weekend. Last weekend she told me she had made a decision about our marriage. I was all ears! i have a tattoo which i got years ago on my abdomen right above where her parts of me are kept. It was from my rough and rowdy days and was definitely demeaning to women. i remember getting it and telling the female tattoo artist that it was directions for blonds. it is big bold and black and says RIDE with red tint in the letters. Sunday she brought a marker to the bed and proceeded to put a big bold B in front of the word RIDE. My heart skipped a beat! Another part of my old manhood was dying a fast death! She had decided i was to be her bride and permanently marked that way. Bold B with pink tint inside. All of a sudden the picture of her taking me to an artist locked in my chastity device to get branded the bride for life flashed in front of me! WOW! The first thought that came into my head was, she really loves me as her boy! Then i thought of my persona that i had developed over my whole life. The big mean biker will from now on be her bride in panties at her feet naked. That is such a great feeling and i felt so honored that she has chosen to allow me to take this position! She put it to me in the form of a question kinda. but the reality is i never needed asking and loved the fact that she would own me in this way. I have always tried to keep my manly biker persona going strong. Now my life is having my body shaved, being locked up and wearing panties and loving it! I never want to go back and will be her bride forever!