Tuesday, April 17, 2012

SUBMISSION, CHASTITY and CONFLICT

It has been brought to my attention lately that there are many dynamics working together at the same time for a submissive man and his partner while in chastity. Sure he feels submissive to his partner, both sexually and non sexually, but in chastity the sexual dynamic for him becomes very powerful. His partner is watching this and interacting with this but also desires this dynamic to carry over into the rest of the relationship. This can be disappointing for the female if her needs are not getting met. Submissive men have a huge inner desire to please their partner. So even in conflict they are really striving to please their partner and feeling inadequate if they feel they aren't. this situation has arisen with me and as i reflect on things i find that during the conflict i became very afraid! Not that i was locked up. I became very afraid that my inadequacy was cause for termination of the relationship. Did i realize i was still locked up?YES! Did it impact my feelings? Somewhat, but the sexual tension i felt after being locked up for 5 weeks fell totally away. The sexual hyper charge diminished and i felt depressed and lost. The person i loved the most was disappointed with how i reacted, and it was not in a submissive manner. In reflection i now understand that i need to take an account of my relationship on a regular basis and make sure i am on solid ground. I need to shut up and listen some times when i have the inner urge to say and do. I need to shut up and listen always before i make a bad choice of words. My tone, my demeanor and my compassion was not that of the person i know i am inside and want to be.
   Did the chastity device being on make me change my opinion of what happened? NO! It was not until i totally let go and said i wanted to do whatever would make her happy that the device came back into play. At that point i felt better about myself and thus the hyper feelings started to return.
   Effective communication is the greatest tool in any relationship. FLR/Chastity is no different. Submissive men need coaching as they are trying to figure out what will make her happy that is within their power. Little things, big things whatever. Submissive men expecting their female partner to know what they desire all the time is unrealistic, just as the female partner can't expect the male to know what they need or desire at the moment is all the time. Good communication will help reduce unmet needs and keep the relationship on an even keel. For the relationship is even, the man being submissive or in chastity does not make it uneven. Quite the opposite, it gives it balance.
    So, during the conflict did i want out of the chastity device? NO!!!!! I was scared to death that she would decide to put me out of it! It was a feeling of unity during a time when we felt apart emotionally. To that note it only strengthens my belief that i never wish to be out and under my own control again. I must dedicate myself to being a better listener and support partner!

2 comments:

  1. This has really helped me

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  2. Is this only online or do people meet face to face

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