Thursday, April 5, 2012

WHAT SUBMISSIVE MEN CRAVE

        Submissive men crave some really basic things in a relationship. To a person that is not submissive these cravings may appear strange or off base. In the mind of the submissive man they are not strange at all, quite the opposite. They are real and very strong.
         One thing they crave is to give of themselves to their partner and be recognized for it. They want their partner to accept their submission and ultimately expect it. They like to do things for their partner that are often simply taken as a reduction in stature. This includes house chores. These do not reduce any ones stature as it is something couples do on a daily basis. This offering of their submission is one quick way for them to make a huge difference in their partners life. Taking more responsibility from them and shouldering it.
         Another thing they crave is to be the sexual submissive. This dynamic is huge and causes many men to chase dominate women in the bdsm lifestyle. The truth is that they secretly desire their partner to be the dominate partner and to feel safe in their submission to them. Real submissive men do not have to be beaten into submission or taken kicking and screaming. They will go happily! If their partner shows any signs of a dominate nature they will lead the way. Male chastity is the prime example of sexual submission. The one thing a submissive can do to belong to their dominate partner 24/7 without anyone knowing except the couple. He will really not want it to be a secret, but it is. In this world he feels connected to his partner and at her will. She alone controls his manhood. She alone controls when she will unlock him. She alone decides if and when he may ejaculate. A true submissive will even respect her wishes when he is not locked up and save himself for her and his relationship.
         The submissive craves structure. He wants direction from her, he wants order from her. He needs to understand her expectations and how to make her happy. He wants discipline and expects it. For in that scenario he is free to feel he is trying to satisfy his partner and even if he falls short she cares enough to stick to rules and not abandon him emotionally mentally or physically. Submissive men would rather be spanked and feel all is right in the relationship than to be left wondering where he stands. This goes for any so called punishment. It is somewhat childish in thought but extremely simple in the submissive mind. He simply wants to make things right in the relationship and move forward at her feet.
          Is all this humbling you ask? Why yes! Most submissives are humble to some degree and desire to be more humble. They wish to have their partner desire their submission and humility. Not as degradation but as a commitment to their relationship. If mama ain't happy nobody is happy, everyone throws that saying around. For a true submissive it caries deep meaning and his failures in the relationship will be taken hard by him. To the point of anger and resentment of his partner. He craves an outlet to make things right again in his mind. Even small gestures that make him realize that his dominate partner was aware of his transgressions and simply requires him to make amends. However that may be.
         Submissives crave attention. It may seem by their desire to be a follower in the female led relationship that they do not crave attention but it is just the opposite. That is their goal. Attention! they will settle for negative attention if that is all they can get. They don't desire chastity because they view it as celibacy. They desire to trade their average lives for a hyper charged one of tease and denial. For multiple orgasms without ejaculation to the point that if they are not expected to remain ejaculation free they are failing. They want you to say no! They want you to hold your feminine power over them and they crave you to exercise it.
          If you have a submissive man, learn to understand their cravings because it is most probably the person he is with now! Learn to exploit it relish the good!
haveandtohold.net 

20 comments:

  1. I am a submissive man in my early 20's. I've had this 'disposition' for my entire life, as far back as I can possibly recall. However, to label it as a "disposition" would terribly understate the deep and uncontainably powerful emotions I hold toward women; speaking mainly within the dynamics of male/female relationships (and yet extending beyond that as well to a broader, more general meaning). To myself, its a matter of the 'Natural Order' of my world. In my mind, women are the obvious and natural ones amongst us to claim dominance and exercise the power in a relationship. It seems odd to me that most people think of it the other way around, and cannot comprehend my position. However this is all I have ever felt, desired, or known. Female-submission or male-dominance (I shudder at the very terms) will ever seem "natural" to me, and remain to this day a concept which I fully lack a personal understanding of. This all being said, I'd like to thank you for your extremely accurate and well-needed article. As a male-sub, I often come across people online attempting to explain people like myself, and 99 percent of the time being dead wrong. Your account captured the true state of the 'true' male-sub quite effectively: "The truth is that they secretly desire their partner to be the dominate partner and to feel safe in their submission to them." That was a completely spot-on observation. You skillfully comprehend and convey my own emotional state as a submissive: For a true submissive it caries deep meaning and his failures in the relationship will be taken hard by him." Exactly. Male-subs can be quite fragile. I think of myself as a dog to my girlfriend (who of course is the dominant force in my life and our relationship). I wish to please her more than anything, and can be quite crushed if I fail in this regard. Its all very emotionally real and serious to me. Lastly, I had to include one final quote from your article: "They want you to hold your feminine power over them and they crave you to exercise it.". This clarifies the matter of whom should dominate quite elegantly. I have always held myself in awe and clear recognition of "feminine power", and wish more than anything to have to exercised over me. Thank you for providing the public with a truly accurate analysis of the male-submissive.

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  2. Finally someone has it right. I am always being judged,and 99% of the time people think what they see on porn sites is what all sub men want and do, or that being a sub automatically makes me a masochist! What really gets me is the impression that a submissive man must be weak or not masculine. While reading your entry, I was so happy that someone online has properly and accurately written about what is in the mind of a submissive man and what they're desire truly is.

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  3. It's amazing how i long for my wife Sherri to dominate me.both mentally and sexually. I would graciously except chastity. I would provide her with never ending oral pleasures I already worship her.Massages foot worship. Is a normal activity for me.But I crave her complete dominance.I want to express it publicly. Live it. I only wish she understood how important it is to me.There is no longer intercourse between us. But I desire to be teased and denied. My pleasures under her control.

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    1. I have wanted to explore male submission for many years. Ventured out and found a friend who was skilled in male domination. The relationship ended abruptly when her job transfered her out of stat. My wife is old school and when I hint or suggest she take control physically and dominate me and all aspects of out marriage she will not agree. Any suggestions how I can actively embrace the submissive lifestyle.

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    2. I have wanted to explore male submission for many years. Ventured out and found a friend who was skilled in male domination. The relationship ended abruptly when her job transfered her out of stat. My wife is old school and when I hint or suggest she take control physically and dominate me and all aspects of out marriage she will not agree. Any suggestions how I can actively embrace the submissive lifestyle.

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  4. This was all new to me and instead of running away I wanted to learn more about it . I must say all I see is a strong loving man feeled with love . I love it now and as far as the room we both are submissive but I have no problem giving him that dominite women he likes :) I want to be apart of it not shut him down for it and pretty excited to see what r future will hold fetish club next with my love ... And I studdy his porn and magazines so I can give him everything in that area :) and a little bossing but still guinuine that is me already !;)

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  5. boys are submissive to girls from birth....first it is mommy, 5-6 years of total control, then school, female teachers most often, when dad and mom go out, they hire, usually, a female sitter who gives you a bath and puts you to bed...when you start datin you buy trinkets to please her, eat where she wants to, see the movie she suggests and follow her lead in how far necking and petting can go. You ASK her to marry you and she has the option to accept or refuse.....and somehow men think that they are the dominant ones.....what a laugh

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  6. uh oh, you want the truth? Ready for some explosions, some joyful destruction of idols? I identify with this at low levels but at higher levels I am a man, with dropped testicles. Now see here- nothing I say is to be taken as a complaint or criticism- only a settling of accounts. Since WWII masculine white men have been criticized and demonized. Women do have great social and economic power today- because they induced us to give it away. How often they had to play the victim to get it, kind of like the Hebrews (See Otto Weininger- Sex and Character- he compares women with them, his race). We men bowed. We have weaknesses, foolish sense of honor, which is exploited for sure and we get what we deserve but I destroy idols. Now picture a male mutilated by the doctor and raised in a female environment at home and in the schools and women are given help and support by the gov at his taxpaying expense, and he's told he can't "sexually harass" or he goes to prison. He's in a culture where porn is everywhere- even softcore in the form of advertising, where money is religion and women are the key spenders. No fing wonder he's emasculated. Now he does waste it in porn and masturbation. W/o porn or masturbation, you can either become a rapist- not recommended for legal reasons, or take up work and hobbies- recommended or become a hermit. If you stay in domesticating environs you become a fighter of sorts, ideologically like a Nietzsche or really like a Hitler. Violence is not all bad- it is in our DNA and calling it evil is a value judgment, poh. Submissive men are just weak, and they are dominated by other men and institutions. When I am the strongest man in my place of work, it shows. The energy transfers to how I relate to women. Now not that I care for these women- they are married to their careers and I don't think they'd make good money- but if I ever get one, she's getting a spanking. The trick for me is getting one- once I do, I'm good in relationships. The trick is getting trust at the same time as attraction. I can usually get one or the other but not both, because I am blundering and misunderstood- and on that I need help. I am maladjusted- said one Italian girl to me, a girl who by the way shared my bed ;) You all win by the web method- you control the airwaves, jam the culture, demonize who I would like to lionize, masters of accusation, but haha that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. You try to convince men that they are naturally submissive. I guess we have this adaptation within us- because we can adapt for survival in all sorts of conditions.. but that drive for dominance is surely there ,within, if it can be awakened. Fear of harm causes men to pull back (flinch) but there is nothing like a fight to relieve sexual tension, as much as sex itself. It's release men need, not submission. I've bee all three- submissive desiring approval, dominant, and outside of both S and M. It has much to do with the culture I find myself in and my position in it. I've been around the world and the relations are not the same everywhere but I know deep inside now more than ever that I'm a control freak and proud of it

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    1. Totally agree. Women from antiquity have been keenly aware of their own weakness. It has led to manipulation and purposeful whining being developed as tactics among them. Now they even try to use the noble acts of teaching and raising children to justify their wretched thinking.
      And you are absolutely right. What a lot of men desire is sexual release and creative ways to enhance it as well as sensual attention served to them. That is completely different from submission. Most of these so called msubs are but people who have been brainwashed and after a point, simply conditioned by popular culture (porn) and conniving women. Men have time and again shaped history and carried forward our civilization with advances. Tell me, were any of these men mewling doormats like the ones on this forum.

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  7. My girlfriend/fiance enjoys me cumming in her way more than she wishes for me not too. How does one address this in a relationship dynamic with a male with strong submissive cravings?

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    1. my suggestion is be more submissive on ur own. No j/o be a better lover to her empower her sexually to control your orgasm..she gets jer pleasure and you hold off cumming til she says..she will find her power just point her in the right direction. Start doing more for her serving her whemshe asks or mentions something HOP TO IT. Once she learns all she has to is askshe may brace it a bit easier..

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    2. Im a wife in my fifties that has been married for 30 years.Three months ago my husband told me that I should lead our marriage,our relationship and that he will summit to any thing I desire.His reason is that he is tired and burned out from the pressure of it all.This came as a complete shock and I didnt see coming at all.I wanted to be the loving wife he needs and started reading female dom.sites to learn what it is and to practice it.I have started with the sexual practice of orgasm denial and reward for duties performed in the house.I have taken over all money and finances which he admits is very soothing for him.I have been learning alot the last few months as has my husband.The happiness and relief I see in him is wonderful.I have learned alot about myself too.I enjoy being the women in charge.We are working now on him pleaseing me.My senual and sexual needs.I could not imagined this lifestyle a year ago.

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  8. Im new to being a Dom wife.My husband of 30 years told me in a very honest discussion 3 months ago that he was tired of a leading our marriage and wanted and would submit to me in our household, finance and sexual decisions.I can not tell what a shock this was to me.He had me read some of Elise Suttons articles and I bought one books to help me understand this life style.The first thing I that I felt was in need was sexual control of him Our sex life was not good and when we had sex it amounted to him doing his thing and rolling over and going to sleep leaving me left hanging.I started with orgasm denial.He was not to masterbate but wait until we made love when I decided.This would allow sexual energy to build and for his lust for me to peak.I have not dressed in leather or do I carry a whip but started wearing heels again.I have some short tight skirts,tight low cut blouses and going pantiless in skirts and dresses when we go out .His sexual desire for me is off the wall.I tease him with what guys at my office say about how hot I look.I love how he treats me and I love how I feel about myself.

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  9. I have been a submissive husband for over 20 years now and have a great relationship with my wife both sexually and intelectually. From the begining we did have an open discussion about this type of relationship. At first it was a bit awkward and took a bit of getting use to having her in total control of me in all aspects. But today it has become a normal way of life for us. She is the bread winner and I stay at home doing as told to and what needs to be done regularly. I have a daily schedule which has to be followed exactly as it is planned out for me and whateevere else is added to it for any reason.
    I do my best to accomplish this daily but at times I do failing achieveing this goal. I understand that failure for me in this relationship is not an option. I also understand tht if soemthing is not completed although the reasons why it has not been done are discussed ( not always) failure to achieve a goal of any sort come with the knowledge of a punishment.

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  10. I much appreciated the take of your opening post. It rings true for me but needs some pondering as it does bring uncommon perspective to an increasingly common theme.

    I am a child of the sixties and like most men and women of that day, coping with having been submerged in 'the great gender twist' (nut twist from the male perspective ) of shifting power roles has been a major subplot of my life. I am still working on it.

    By the traditionalized social consensus of the colluding genders, I was issued a little personal sack of inherent male privilege as an unearned birthright. It grew through social reinforcement and was swung about in unassailed swagger until till I was about twenty. Then the first assaults began as fairly harmless taps. Over the years the little taps increased in ferocity until my tender sack of inherent privilege was singing along to a thorough pummeling like Tyson's workout bag. This resulted in a very painful divorce.

    But i get it and am not complaining - For the viability of our society's future, merit needs to be humbly obtained on an equal field of play. Somehow the sack-slapping process has invested me with submissive male tendencies and I share the longing for subspace and a strong feminine hand of the others of my type. I suppose, like the Eunuchs allegorized in biblical wisdom, some of us were made submissive by birth and others converted by the blade of change. But enough of this crap.

    What i really want to get at is the sense of symbolic or spiritual meaning and power i derive from surrender to the feminine within myself and within womankind as opposed the sweet labido goosing that is the more surface effect of male submission and that garners the majority print

    Our bodies and the manner of our gender interaction are living symbols engaged in the power inducing ritual of life. As cultural evolution adapts to the worlds changing needs, so adapts our symbolism(s). Within the overall psychology of the human cultural mind, a sea change is happening. If the great male avatars of the worlds religions aren't yet under the knife of gender reassignment their wrists are becoming a little limp and they are developing a discernible lisp. This 'return of the Goddess' is calling for a new energy: a shift toward the feminine yin and away from the warring yang of patriarchy's long rule. A new reverence for nature in search of sustainability, as well as world peace and caolescence, and a greater development of the capacities of our unconscious minds ( to balance the voracious conscious(left brained) emphasis of the masculine era) and a reconciliation of science and religion, are all promoted by the rise of the feminine. (Goddess religion is nature worship and science, despite its blind spots, reveals the physical truths of nature).

    Symbolically speaking, it seems that, for the sake of survival, cultural evolution is converting God to a woman. One, life and sex enhancing way, to catch her wave and promote surging return is to engage the ritualistic dance of male submission and female leadership.

    Along with your continued feedback on the very interesting post by this blogs author, i would much appreciate any feedback on this reply. Thanks

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  11. Thank you Anonymous for saying, "I love how he treats me and I love how I feel about myself."

    Women are without doubt the superior sex, and we males should realize that we are only here to be used by them for their pleasure, enjoyment, entertainment, amusement.

    To do all the housework, cleaning cooking, shopping excreta, and thereby enable our owners to enjoy a life of comparative ease, whilst at the same time exercising complete and total authority over a member of the inferior sex.

    Any male who a woman chooses to use as her slave should consider it an honour to have been selected by her. In fact he should worship her as the Goddess she is.

    We males are so abysmal that we are not worthy to lick the dirt off their boots.

    When however, one of us is chosen to be used by a woman. Then he knows that he has been considered worthy to lick the dirt off her boots.

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  12. I am a sumissive male who craves a relationship with a loving alpha female. Not just sexually but in all aspects of life. I don't want a dominatrix or mistress, just a nice, normal woman who wants to wear the pants in a relationship. Strong women turn me on. This sounds simple but my experience has been that it is very hard to find a woman like this who is available. Dating sites are a joke and haven't worked for me. Supposedly there are few submissive men and fewer dominant, women. I wonder how many submissive men there are in my situation. It's frustrating not having the female authority I crave.


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  13. I met the submissive man months ago.. i like him because he is cool before he admit that he is submissive.he is 40+ and im 28. so he said i want you to be my master and he want's me to be my slave... well i like it..because im kinda bossy... the point is i don't know how to treat him as a slave in bed... i never being so cruel in bed.. i hope can anyone tell me how to handle a submissive man.

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  14. It starts from an early age most of time by your Mother your father take no part.

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  15. I can think of no greater privilege than to be the slave of a dominant woman.

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