Thursday, April 5, 2012

WHAT SUBMISSIVE MEN CRAVE

        Submissive men crave some really basic things in a relationship. To a person that is not submissive these cravings may appear strange or off base. In the mind of the submissive man they are not strange at all, quite the opposite. They are real and very strong.
         One thing they crave is to give of themselves to their partner and be recognized for it. They want their partner to accept their submission and ultimately expect it. They like to do things for their partner that are often simply taken as a reduction in stature. This includes house chores. These do not reduce any ones stature as it is something couples do on a daily basis. This offering of their submission is one quick way for them to make a huge difference in their partner's life. Taking more responsibility from them and shouldering it.
         Another thing they crave is to be the sexual submissive. This dynamic is huge and causes many men to chase dominate women in the bdsm lifestyle. The truth is that they secretly desire their partner to be the dominate partner and to feel safe in their submission to them. Real submissive men do not have to be beaten into submission or taken kicking and screaming. They will go happily! If their partner shows any signs of a dominate nature they will lead the way. Male chastity is the prime example of sexual submission; the one thing a submissive can do to belong to their dominate partner 24/7 without anyone knowing except the couple. He will really not want it to be a secret, but it is. In this world he feels connected to his partner and at her will. She alone controls his manhood. She alone controls when she will unlock him. She alone decides if and when he may ejaculate. A true submissive will even respect her wishes when he is not locked up and save himself for her and his relationship.
         The submissive craves structure. He wants direction from her, he wants order from her. He needs to understand her expectations and how to make her happy. He wants discipline and expects it. For in that scenario he is free to feel he is trying to satisfy his partner, and even if he falls short she cares enough to stick to rules and not abandon him emotionally mentally or physically. Submissive men would rather be spanked and feel all is right in the relationship than to be left wondering where he stands. This goes for any so-called punishment. It is somewhat childish in thought but extremely simple in the submissive mind. He simply wants to make things right in the relationship and move forward at her feet.
          Is all this humbling you ask? Why yes! Most submissives are humble to some degree and desire to be more humble. They wish to have their partner desire their submission and humility. Not as degradation but as a commitment to their relationship. :If mama ain't happy nobody is happy", everyone throws that saying around. For a true submissive it carries deep meaning and his failures in the relationship will be taken hard by him. To the point of anger and resentment of his partner. He craves an outlet to make things right again in his mind. Even small gestures that make him realize that his dominate partner was aware of his transgressions and simply requires him to make amends, however that may be.
         Submissives crave attention. It may seem by their desire to be a follower in the female led relationship that they do not crave attention but it is just the opposite. That is their goal. Attention! they will settle for negative attention if that is all they can get. They don't desire chastity because they view it as celibacy. They desire to trade their average lives for a hyper charged one of tease and denial. For multiple orgasms without ejaculation to the point that if they are not expected to remain ejaculation free they are failing. They want you to say no! They want you to hold your feminine power over them and they crave you to exercise it.
          If you have a submissive man, learn to understand their cravings because it is most probably the person he is with now! Learn to exploit it, relish the good!
haveandtohold.net 

51 comments:

  1. Rissa's_bitchJune 15, 2013 at 8:07 AM

    I am a submissive man in my early 20's. I've had this 'disposition' for my entire life, as far back as I can possibly recall. However, to label it as a "disposition" would terribly understate the deep and uncontainably powerful emotions I hold toward women; speaking mainly within the dynamics of male/female relationships (and yet extending beyond that as well to a broader, more general meaning). To myself, its a matter of the 'Natural Order' of my world. In my mind, women are the obvious and natural ones amongst us to claim dominance and exercise the power in a relationship. It seems odd to me that most people think of it the other way around, and cannot comprehend my position. However this is all I have ever felt, desired, or known. Female-submission or male-dominance (I shudder at the very terms) will ever seem "natural" to me, and remain to this day a concept which I fully lack a personal understanding of. This all being said, I'd like to thank you for your extremely accurate and well-needed article. As a male-sub, I often come across people online attempting to explain people like myself, and 99 percent of the time being dead wrong. Your account captured the true state of the 'true' male-sub quite effectively: "The truth is that they secretly desire their partner to be the dominate partner and to feel safe in their submission to them." That was a completely spot-on observation. You skillfully comprehend and convey my own emotional state as a submissive: For a true submissive it caries deep meaning and his failures in the relationship will be taken hard by him." Exactly. Male-subs can be quite fragile. I think of myself as a dog to my girlfriend (who of course is the dominant force in my life and our relationship). I wish to please her more than anything, and can be quite crushed if I fail in this regard. Its all very emotionally real and serious to me. Lastly, I had to include one final quote from your article: "They want you to hold your feminine power over them and they crave you to exercise it.". This clarifies the matter of whom should dominate quite elegantly. I have always held myself in awe and clear recognition of "feminine power", and wish more than anything to have to exercised over me. Thank you for providing the public with a truly accurate analysis of the male-submissive.

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    1. the strange girl in class

      I recently had an experience in a classroom with a woman who wanted me to document scores of other classmates in the room, as she was doing... At first, I thought this was weird- called her out by saying "are you serious right now? Do you have ocd?" As she kept suggesting I write it down and she was relentless, hence my comment. Ahem. She replied "yea" (genuine or in genuine) I took her at her word and said "ohh I'm sorry". I wrote. Like clock work she pointed her attention(s) to each place, in my booklet for where I should write and how much (no more no less). As this continued I felt myself getting, ahem, hard... Willingly..I knew my 'arousal' had a connection with that circumstance as opposed to the ''morning wood" random kinds most people you hear joking on about from time to time. Her voice was soothing and her bossiness exciting me. Later that night and alone I was in the shower and took on rubbing out a very powerful orgasm though it was about fucking her and not the bossiness. Can somebody guide my mess into some sense, I would really appreciate. I have someone else I love and the sex with her is amazing so if anything I would like to "role play" would this be unauthentic, however... Ultimately resulting in a 'lesser sexual vibration'?

      Thanks for reading,

      Jord

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  2. Finally someone has it right. I am always being judged,and 99% of the time people think what they see on porn sites is what all sub men want and do, or that being a sub automatically makes me a masochist! What really gets me is the impression that a submissive man must be weak or not masculine. While reading your entry, I was so happy that someone online has properly and accurately written about what is in the mind of a submissive man and what they're desire truly is.

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  3. It's amazing how i long for my wife Sherri to dominate me.both mentally and sexually. I would graciously except chastity. I would provide her with never ending oral pleasures I already worship her.Massages foot worship. Is a normal activity for me.But I crave her complete dominance.I want to express it publicly. Live it. I only wish she understood how important it is to me.There is no longer intercourse between us. But I desire to be teased and denied. My pleasures under her control.

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    1. I have wanted to explore male submission for many years. Ventured out and found a friend who was skilled in male domination. The relationship ended abruptly when her job transfered her out of stat. My wife is old school and when I hint or suggest she take control physically and dominate me and all aspects of out marriage she will not agree. Any suggestions how I can actively embrace the submissive lifestyle.

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    2. I have wanted to explore male submission for many years. Ventured out and found a friend who was skilled in male domination. The relationship ended abruptly when her job transfered her out of stat. My wife is old school and when I hint or suggest she take control physically and dominate me and all aspects of out marriage she will not agree. Any suggestions how I can actively embrace the submissive lifestyle.

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  4. This was all new to me and instead of running away I wanted to learn more about it . I must say all I see is a strong loving man feeled with love . I love it now and as far as the room we both are submissive but I have no problem giving him that dominite women he likes :) I want to be apart of it not shut him down for it and pretty excited to see what r future will hold fetish club next with my love ... And I studdy his porn and magazines so I can give him everything in that area :) and a little bossing but still guinuine that is me already !;)

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  5. boys are submissive to girls from birth....first it is mommy, 5-6 years of total control, then school, female teachers most often, when dad and mom go out, they hire, usually, a female sitter who gives you a bath and puts you to bed...when you start datin you buy trinkets to please her, eat where she wants to, see the movie she suggests and follow her lead in how far necking and petting can go. You ASK her to marry you and she has the option to accept or refuse.....and somehow men think that they are the dominant ones.....what a laugh

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  6. uh oh, you want the truth? Ready for some explosions, some joyful destruction of idols? I identify with this at low levels but at higher levels I am a man, with dropped testicles. Now see here- nothing I say is to be taken as a complaint or criticism- only a settling of accounts. Since WWII masculine white men have been criticized and demonized. Women do have great social and economic power today- because they induced us to give it away. How often they had to play the victim to get it, kind of like the Hebrews (See Otto Weininger- Sex and Character- he compares women with them, his race). We men bowed. We have weaknesses, foolish sense of honor, which is exploited for sure and we get what we deserve but I destroy idols. Now picture a male mutilated by the doctor and raised in a female environment at home and in the schools and women are given help and support by the gov at his taxpaying expense, and he's told he can't "sexually harass" or he goes to prison. He's in a culture where porn is everywhere- even softcore in the form of advertising, where money is religion and women are the key spenders. No fing wonder he's emasculated. Now he does waste it in porn and masturbation. W/o porn or masturbation, you can either become a rapist- not recommended for legal reasons, or take up work and hobbies- recommended or become a hermit. If you stay in domesticating environs you become a fighter of sorts, ideologically like a Nietzsche or really like a Hitler. Violence is not all bad- it is in our DNA and calling it evil is a value judgment, poh. Submissive men are just weak, and they are dominated by other men and institutions. When I am the strongest man in my place of work, it shows. The energy transfers to how I relate to women. Now not that I care for these women- they are married to their careers and I don't think they'd make good money- but if I ever get one, she's getting a spanking. The trick for me is getting one- once I do, I'm good in relationships. The trick is getting trust at the same time as attraction. I can usually get one or the other but not both, because I am blundering and misunderstood- and on that I need help. I am maladjusted- said one Italian girl to me, a girl who by the way shared my bed ;) You all win by the web method- you control the airwaves, jam the culture, demonize who I would like to lionize, masters of accusation, but haha that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. You try to convince men that they are naturally submissive. I guess we have this adaptation within us- because we can adapt for survival in all sorts of conditions.. but that drive for dominance is surely there ,within, if it can be awakened. Fear of harm causes men to pull back (flinch) but there is nothing like a fight to relieve sexual tension, as much as sex itself. It's release men need, not submission. I've bee all three- submissive desiring approval, dominant, and outside of both S and M. It has much to do with the culture I find myself in and my position in it. I've been around the world and the relations are not the same everywhere but I know deep inside now more than ever that I'm a control freak and proud of it

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    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. Plenty of men who are leaders in the world who are secret submissives. Being a submissive to women does not mean being a submissive to other men. No more than a woman being submissive to men means that she is also submissive to other women. Or that a woman who is submissive to a man means that she is weak and/or not a leader.

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    3. Honestly I feel both of you are off base. Men have been at their most submissive during Greatness. WWI WWII could not have been won without devout Submission to the greater good. The Pyramids were built on submission to a higher authority. In fact if you look through any Christian or Jewish based religion you'd find that they all teach submission. Granted this is in context to a Higher Authority. But, in honesty it's why we're so able to go out and do horrible things. We want to protect our family so we fight. We're better at it. There's nothing abnormal about a submissive tendency especially for a male. Look at any branch of the Armed Services and you'll see a very long list of submissives. I think sometimes we confuse an arrogant bastard for being a manly man. The article was written to understand the submissive male.. it didn't say all males are submissive. But, when you offer anger,spite, and show greatness in history.. it all points to the fact we're also childish and cannot control ourselves outside of a basic mindset.

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    4. Dunno, Adolph liked golden showers, just sayin.

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  7. My girlfriend/fiance enjoys me cumming in her way more than she wishes for me not too. How does one address this in a relationship dynamic with a male with strong submissive cravings?

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    1. my suggestion is be more submissive on ur own. No j/o be a better lover to her empower her sexually to control your orgasm..she gets jer pleasure and you hold off cumming til she says..she will find her power just point her in the right direction. Start doing more for her serving her whemshe asks or mentions something HOP TO IT. Once she learns all she has to is askshe may brace it a bit easier..

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    2. Im a wife in my fifties that has been married for 30 years.Three months ago my husband told me that I should lead our marriage,our relationship and that he will summit to any thing I desire.His reason is that he is tired and burned out from the pressure of it all.This came as a complete shock and I didnt see coming at all.I wanted to be the loving wife he needs and started reading female dom.sites to learn what it is and to practice it.I have started with the sexual practice of orgasm denial and reward for duties performed in the house.I have taken over all money and finances which he admits is very soothing for him.I have been learning alot the last few months as has my husband.The happiness and relief I see in him is wonderful.I have learned alot about myself too.I enjoy being the women in charge.We are working now on him pleaseing me.My senual and sexual needs.I could not imagined this lifestyle a year ago.

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    3. My Mistress enjoys the look on my face when another man cums inside her, and when she asks me to lick her clean. She doesn't want to deal with the constant pressure from a bull man to have sex, so I feel completely secure in my relationship, but she gets an incredible buzz from cuckolding me. Try it!

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  8. Im new to being a Dom wife.My husband of 30 years told me in a very honest discussion 3 months ago that he was tired of a leading our marriage and wanted and would submit to me in our household, finance and sexual decisions.I can not tell what a shock this was to me.He had me read some of Elise Suttons articles and I bought one books to help me understand this life style.The first thing I that I felt was in need was sexual control of him Our sex life was not good and when we had sex it amounted to him doing his thing and rolling over and going to sleep leaving me left hanging.I started with orgasm denial.He was not to masterbate but wait until we made love when I decided.This would allow sexual energy to build and for his lust for me to peak.I have not dressed in leather or do I carry a whip but started wearing heels again.I have some short tight skirts,tight low cut blouses and going pantiless in skirts and dresses when we go out .His sexual desire for me is off the wall.I tease him with what guys at my office say about how hot I look.I love how he treats me and I love how I feel about myself.

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  9. I have been a submissive husband for over 20 years now and have a great relationship with my wife both sexually and intelectually. From the begining we did have an open discussion about this type of relationship. At first it was a bit awkward and took a bit of getting use to having her in total control of me in all aspects. But today it has become a normal way of life for us. She is the bread winner and I stay at home doing as told to and what needs to be done regularly. I have a daily schedule which has to be followed exactly as it is planned out for me and whateevere else is added to it for any reason.
    I do my best to accomplish this daily but at times I do failing achieveing this goal. I understand that failure for me in this relationship is not an option. I also understand tht if soemthing is not completed although the reasons why it has not been done are discussed ( not always) failure to achieve a goal of any sort come with the knowledge of a punishment.

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  10. I much appreciated the take of your opening post. It rings true for me but needs some pondering as it does bring uncommon perspective to an increasingly common theme.

    I am a child of the sixties and like most men and women of that day, coping with having been submerged in 'the great gender twist' (nut twist from the male perspective ) of shifting power roles has been a major subplot of my life. I am still working on it.

    By the traditionalized social consensus of the colluding genders, I was issued a little personal sack of inherent male privilege as an unearned birthright. It grew through social reinforcement and was swung about in unassailed swagger until till I was about twenty. Then the first assaults began as fairly harmless taps. Over the years the little taps increased in ferocity until my tender sack of inherent privilege was singing along to a thorough pummeling like Tyson's workout bag. This resulted in a very painful divorce.

    But i get it and am not complaining - For the viability of our society's future, merit needs to be humbly obtained on an equal field of play. Somehow the sack-slapping process has invested me with submissive male tendencies and I share the longing for subspace and a strong feminine hand of the others of my type. I suppose, like the Eunuchs allegorized in biblical wisdom, some of us were made submissive by birth and others converted by the blade of change. But enough of this crap.

    What i really want to get at is the sense of symbolic or spiritual meaning and power i derive from surrender to the feminine within myself and within womankind as opposed the sweet labido goosing that is the more surface effect of male submission and that garners the majority print

    Our bodies and the manner of our gender interaction are living symbols engaged in the power inducing ritual of life. As cultural evolution adapts to the worlds changing needs, so adapts our symbolism(s). Within the overall psychology of the human cultural mind, a sea change is happening. If the great male avatars of the worlds religions aren't yet under the knife of gender reassignment their wrists are becoming a little limp and they are developing a discernible lisp. This 'return of the Goddess' is calling for a new energy: a shift toward the feminine yin and away from the warring yang of patriarchy's long rule. A new reverence for nature in search of sustainability, as well as world peace and caolescence, and a greater development of the capacities of our unconscious minds ( to balance the voracious conscious(left brained) emphasis of the masculine era) and a reconciliation of science and religion, are all promoted by the rise of the feminine. (Goddess religion is nature worship and science, despite its blind spots, reveals the physical truths of nature).

    Symbolically speaking, it seems that, for the sake of survival, cultural evolution is converting God to a woman. One, life and sex enhancing way, to catch her wave and promote surging return is to engage the ritualistic dance of male submission and female leadership.

    Along with your continued feedback on the very interesting post by this blogs author, i would much appreciate any feedback on this reply. Thanks

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  11. Thank you Anonymous for saying, "I love how he treats me and I love how I feel about myself."

    Women are without doubt the superior sex, and we males should realize that we are only here to be used by them for their pleasure, enjoyment, entertainment, amusement.

    To do all the housework, cleaning cooking, shopping excreta, and thereby enable our owners to enjoy a life of comparative ease, whilst at the same time exercising complete and total authority over a member of the inferior sex.

    Any male who a woman chooses to use as her slave should consider it an honour to have been selected by her. In fact he should worship her as the Goddess she is.

    We males are so abysmal that we are not worthy to lick the dirt off their boots.

    When however, one of us is chosen to be used by a woman. Then he knows that he has been considered worthy to lick the dirt off her boots.

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  12. I am a sumissive male who craves a relationship with a loving alpha female. Not just sexually but in all aspects of life. I don't want a dominatrix or mistress, just a nice, normal woman who wants to wear the pants in a relationship. Strong women turn me on. This sounds simple but my experience has been that it is very hard to find a woman like this who is available. Dating sites are a joke and haven't worked for me. Supposedly there are few submissive men and fewer dominant, women. I wonder how many submissive men there are in my situation. It's frustrating not having the female authority I crave.


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    1. I am new to FLR, but I am willing to explore, just started researching and wanted to explore the possibilities.

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    2. Normal, but bossy lady new to FLR idea but I am willing to explore the possibilities.

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  13. I met the submissive man months ago.. i like him because he is cool before he admit that he is submissive.he is 40+ and im 28. so he said i want you to be my master and he want's me to be my slave... well i like it..because im kinda bossy... the point is i don't know how to treat him as a slave in bed... i never being so cruel in bed.. i hope can anyone tell me how to handle a submissive man.

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  14. It starts from an early age most of time by your Mother your father take no part.

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  15. I can think of no greater privilege than to be the slave of a dominant woman.

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    1. Then you should contact:ElsaGrey@GMX.com

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  16. I just got done checking out your site, and it was fun. We sell on Amazon hot wife and sexy erotic cuckold stories in paperback, digital and audio, and the audios are very fun to listen to the girls read to you, cheaper than a book also! We have 3 websites, but you can just type in Vince Stead to see them pop up, it would be super cool if you could post a few small pictures of a couple of the sexy books, I think your followers would love them, especially the one called “Dominant Wives Society and Their Cuckold Husbands Volume 7 Thru 9”.

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  17. I am a submissive male and I really long to be taken by a dominant female who knows what she wants and is willing to train me to make her happy. As a submissive, I want to be naked and shaved of all of my body hair so that everything I have is visible and available for use as my mistress/owner sees fit. I would like her to keep ma naked and control all aspects of my sex especially masturbation. I want her to own me completely. Like others, I can think of no greater privilege than to be a slave to a dominate women.

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    1. How old are you?

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    2. I have a submissive male and we have been in the Mistress Slave relationship for a year. In this whole time he has never been allowed to ejaculat. Are you ready for that kind of domination

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  18. Me and my husband have embraced his submission and I dominate him in the bedroom. I am having trouble dominating him outside the bedroom. love the idea of dominating him 24/7 (so does he) but I need a little help. How would any of the submissive men here want to be dominated not sexually?

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  19. I share your interest in being a submissive male. I need for my Mistress to take absolute control. I want the bondage, the blindfold and the mouth gag AND then once helpless, her total control to do with me as she pleases.

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  20. Genesis Chapter 3 "and your husband will rule over you" The Bible

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    1. An ancient text from thousands of years ago written by a patriarchal society. Not relevant any longer and certainly not in our society or culture.

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    2. Also:"My husband?"....WHO'S HE?

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  21. i wish i could cum... wife wont let me. wet dreams are my only hope...

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  22. looking for a good slave man not just sexually but out of the bed room also

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  23. ...and look at how many horrible things happen in the Old Testament. The Jews had it all wrong. If only Lillith had stayed in charge!

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  24. genesis shmenesis!

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  25. I am a staunch believer in Matriarchy as a social, economic and political system, including Female led relationships and Wife led marriage, and that society would be far better off under the leadership of Women.
    I believe the Wife should definitely be the Boss in Her marriage and call the shots in Her home, and the husband should be fully subordinate to his Wife and completely under Her supervision where he belongs.
    I believe marriages and relationships are much better off this way, and that it represents the most ideal, and most natural gender roles.
    I believe when a man gets married he should acknowledge is Wife's legal authority over him by taking the wedding vow of obedience - to love, honor, and obey his Wife.
    I believe when a man gets married he should openly recognize his Wife's rightful role as the undisputed Head of the house by taking Her name in the marriage and becoming the lawfully wedded Mr. Her Name, and a couple should live openly and without apology AS Ms. and Mr. Her Name.

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  26. A successful male who maintains a job but doesn't have communication skills to keep a woman entertained for her interest in him to stay focused, might like a femae who pursues and controls the their private life relationship!

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  27. I have long been interested in the D/s dynamic and BDSM - for as long as I can remember actually! I have dabbled in the past with my wife as the submissive but it was always something 'she did for me' and it was obvious that this was so,

    Because she didn't like the submissive part, she has for the last year or so, taken control in the bedroom - tying me to the bed, caning my bottom in the corner etc. Today we had a discussion on her taking control in the marriage. She is not sure but open to it which is as much as I can ask and I hope it goes further.

    I did follow up today by doing the ironing for her while she put most things away and I enjoyed the feeling both mentally and in my groin.

    I worship women and do think they are the superior sex.

    She started today by playing with me today but banning me from cumming and tonight by banning me from looking at porn (while she is at work) which is why I started reading Blogs like this.

    Tomorrow she said I am Hers. Not sure what to expect.

    Then we will start researching and in the days/weeks to come I aim to show her online the story of Her being Dominant and me following.

    I will report back. Wish me well!

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  28. I stumbled across this site seeking advise on submissive men. It makes interesting reading. Ive always seen myself as a dominent woman and have never had a relationship with a submissive man until I met my new guy and have always felt that relationships were never very good but having read about what a submissive guy is looking for and how my guy treats me it has made me realise that instead of fighting against my dominence and his submissiveness I should embrace the two and this i firmly believe will make the most incredible harmonious relationship. Dont get me wrong my guys no shrinking violet, he has opinions, is masculine and externally no one would ever know he's a submissive but i know the man inside and i now realise this is what i have been missing for the last 20 years. All he wants to do is show me how much he loves me, wants to please me and make me happy in every way but i also realise it is this feeling of giving that is what he needs to give himself pleasure and satisfaction. I think a lot of women fail to recognise this in men. Mine told me he was a submissive right from the very beginning so i knew exactly who i was getting involved with and so far i'm a very happy girl

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  29. i want a Dominant wife. Problem is, they are hard to find. i am willing just no one to take and own me.

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  30. My name is Bobby. Years ago i broke up with my wife and we both went separate ways without hearing from each other, I love my wife so much that i couldn't stay a day without her by my side so i had to searching for help on the internet on how to get her back when my friend told me about Doctor Ororo so i contacted him for help and he assured me that my wife will come back to me 12 to 16 hours after he has finish the preparing the spell. I'm so filled with joy because my wife came back to me 12 hours after doctor Ororo finished preparing the spell. I am totally convinced that Doctor Azua is actually a God on earth. Here is my phone number +16075332387 call me for any information. Do you need help then contact Doctor Ororo today via email: doctorororospelltemple@outlook.com or via website: http://doctorazuaworldofpowerfulspell.webs.com or via Whats App or call: +2348068784784

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  31. I have been a dominant woman all my adult years and never really knew it until very recently. I only came across this site recently. I already do things like stopping my sub from masturbating without me and delaying his ejaculation it was just who I was I didn't realise it was a thing. Then things got a little more intense lately when my sub actually asked me to be his mistress it feels weird though...

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